On Aging

I'm not sure if I'm in the minority here, but when I think about getting older, it doesn't bother me one bit. I've never been one to shy away from celebrating a birthday- in fact, I absolutely love them and really enjoy not just my own, but everyone else's too. As the years go by, I've noticed that my love for turning another year older has become more of the oddity than the norm. I've also noticed that with this fear of aging, comes an acceptance of holding onto youth. I'm definitely not one to judge but I do not get this at all. I don't understand trying to hold onto what you looked like before, when this is now, not then. I don't understand risking your life to cut, tuck and snip unwanted body parts up, up and away. I don't understand trying to mask years of emotion and experience by freezing your facial muscles into place. I just don't.

At 28 years old, I've already seen a large number of my friends and acquaintances get all sorts of procedures. Although I accept my friends and I support whatever decision they want to make in regards to their body, it makes me incredibly sad. What is it about our culture that makes women feel like they need to change who they are to suit some notion we have of beauty or youth? Why can't we accept that every stage of life is beautiful? Now- I know some of you reading this may have gotten said procedures, and I hope you know again, I am absolutely not here to judge. I'm simply coming from another side. In fact, if you are in support of the things I've mentioned I'd genuinely love to hear your viewpoints. I understand that in many cases, people feel insecure about certain aspects of their bodies, and plastic surgery or other procedures can help them feel more confident. As always, live and let live; more power to you. I'm not questioning your decision to have the procedure because I know everyone has a reason to do what they do, but I'm more so questioning the basis of the thought process there- what about our culture drives women to make decisions like that?

In all actuality, I think the biggest confusion for me comes in the form of Botox or other injections. One of the things I don't get, and will never ever get, is how someone could inject something into their face without knowing the true implications of the product. Because Botox, Restylane, and the like are fairly new and have been widely used for less than 15-20 years...how on Earth can we even begin to guess the long term affects of these procedures? Even if something is deemed "safe" now, how do we know what will happen in 30, 40, 50 years? These chemicals people are injecting into their bodies are just that- chemicals. And we truly don't know what will happen in a few years from now because this is all uncharted territory. Will they cause Cancer? Loss of all muscle use in the face at age 60? Who knows.

I just started noticing the very beginning of fine lines around my eyes and although I regularly use eye cream and will continue to use eye cream, I feel that wrinkles and lines are inevitable. It's okay to age. It's okay to not look like a teenager when I'll be 30 in two years. I'll make smart choices and use the right products to look the best I can, but it's inevitable- my body, face, and overall self will absolutely change with time. When I see older women with lines on their face, I know each of those lines holds a story- each laugh line was made through the repeated gesture of smiling, and even those brow furrows came from more thoughts than we could imagine. I hope that as I continue to age I will be able to accept all of the changes my body will go through. I know it's easier said than done, especially since I haven't really experienced much of the process yet, but I think with awareness and mindfulness it will be easier. Right now my body is housing another, and after our baby is born my body won't ever be the same. And that is okay with me. Trying to hold on, trying to make things the way they were...this is just not a natural thing in my eyes. Time goes on, aging happens. I want to embrace each number I see, be it 30, 40, or 80, with happiness and celebration that I have made it another year, or forty. I want my face to show everywhere I've been, and I want to be around other women who accept these things about each other rather than peer pressure one another to get the latest procedure and try everything under the sun to turn back time. This is not "Death Becomes Her," and there is no fountain of youth. All we can do is treat our bodies with the utmost respect and do things that keep us feeling youthful and keep our bodies in the best shape possible. We can wear sunscreen and eat fresh foods, exercise, take vitamins and use good for us products. All we can do is make choices that benefit our health, and in turn benefit our spirit. And if I'm doing the best I can, I am going to accept every single wrinkle and change that transpires. I can't wait to be 80, tattooed and wrinkly, and hopefully have a happy life full of self-acceptance to look back on. I write this as a reminder to myself, a reminder to cherish every little step in this journey and to ACCEPT every change, for it is truly, truly inevitable. I hope you'll join me in working towards this acceptance of aging, and in turn an acceptance of ourselves. This may be slightly irrelevant to some of you- many of you are possibly quite a bit younger, but I think it's always something to think about. When you're in college you are no longer a high schooler. Time has gone by, things have changed. After college, you're a twenty-something trying to make it in the world, time has gone by, things have changed. Later you'll be 30, then 40, looking back on your life and musing about how quickly time flies. Why look back and realize you wasted time worrying about the inevitable?

This was all kind of a mish-mosh of things running through my head, but I wanted to share because it's something that's been on my mind for awhile. If you got through this barrage of thoughts, thank you for reading until the end! And now I wonder: Do you have a hard time getting older? Do birthdays bother you? Or are you more in my boat, with each year being a badge of celebration? I'd love to hear from you. :)

Happy Monday, everyone!

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Mirror, mirror: self-acceptance

"At a certain part in your life, probably when too much of it has gone by, you will open your eyes and see yourself for who you are. Especially for everything that made you so different from all the awful normals. And you will say to yourself, 'But I am this person.' And in that statement, in that correction, there will be a kind of love."

-Phoebe in Wonderland



Self-acceptance. I am 28 years old and I've only started to get there within the past few years, but let me tell you, it's a beautiful thing to even be on the road headed there. Some of you, like me, might be close, but not quite there yet, some of you might still be trying to figure out who you are in this great big world, and some of you may just be starting on that journey...but don't give up! Self-acceptance is an important part of growing as individuals, and once you get on the right track the universe is a smiling place. I definitely didn't always feel this way growing up, and I'm not fully 100% there yet, but I'm at a good place where I can look in the mirror and say, "hey, I like you!" and feel happy in my life. With that said, I wanted to share some of the lessons I've learned along this grateful path to self-acceptance, as I truly believe that each and every one of us is capable of getting there.

1) Treat yourself with respect. This is such an important one, and naturally the key component in accepting yourself. If you don't respect yourself, how can anyone else? I'm sure there is someone in your life that you love more than anything. Maybe it's your dog, your best friend, your mom, your partner...and if you think about how you treat this person, I'm sure it's with the utmost respect and love. You go out of your way to do nice things for them, call and check in to see how they're doing, and in the case of your pet, you take them out for exercise and give them treats. Now think about yourself- do you treat yourself with the same amount of kindness? Do you tell yourself "I love you"? Do you take a time out and check in with yourself to see how you're doing? Do you exercise your precious body and reward yourself with something you love for a job well done? It's important to look at the relationship you have with yourself and see if it measures up. You deserve me-time, you deserve to surround yourself with positive people who lift you up rather than break you down. When I think of self-respect, I think of it as looking at your body and your spirit as something sacred. I try to put the best fuel in my body in the form of food and drink, because I deserve it. I know how my body feels when I disrespect it with unhealthy food choices. I exercise because I am showing myself respect and it makes me happy to use my body in an active way. I surround myself with positive people who respect me, because I respect myself. I know that for some people it can be hard to see why they should respect themselves. Perhaps growing up someone told them they weren't worth much. But you ARE. You are so beautiful and unique, and you deserve the love that I know you are capable of giving yourself. Start there. Start by telling yourself how wonderful you think you are. Even if you don't yet believe it, you will soon. List all of your great qualities on a piece of paper and tape it to your mirror. Go on a walk, eat healthy, be around other who respect themselves, and you! In time, you will start to see how fabulous you've always been.

2) Stop caring what other people think. If I can summarize one of the major lessons I've learned over the past few years, it's this. We get one life, once chance, one go round on this beautiful world. If you waste your precious time on what other people think, you will go crazy. Everyone always has an opinion. Not everyone will like you, not everyone will agree with you, and the sooner you accept this fact and move on with you life, you will be a lot happier. You need to do what makes your heart happy. You can keep people in consideration, but in the end, it's you you have to answer to. Perhaps you question a fun outfit you put together, maybe you want to make a new friend that you know your other friends won't approve of, let's say you're tempted to make a risky career move...there will be people that support you and people that don't. Always. You just have to make your own decisions, and truly give up what others think. If you live your life for others' approval or for the sake of impressing someone (or everyone), you will never be happy.

3) No one cares as much as you think they do! This goes hand in hand with number two. Even now, at the ripe old age of 28, there are times when I feel totally self-conscious. Let's say I have an event to go to, and I know I will be the only tattooed person there...I often have this five minute dialogue in my head where I have to tell myself that no one cares about my tattoos as much as I think they do. Although I love them so, so much, it can still be annoying and hard to be the only person in a room with visible tattoos. I've experience a lot of rudeness because of them, but ultimately no one cares as much as I think they do. The world does not revolve around me, there is no need to feel uncomfortable in my own skin due to anyone else. I'm sure you know the feeling, you wear something a little weird, maybe a headband that you feel self-conscious in, and all day long you feel like everyone is staring at you...well guess what? They're not! No one cares as much as we build them up to care in our minds.

4) See yourself through someone else's eyes. On the converse side of the last two points I've discussed, it is good to take a step back and see ourselves through the eyes of someone who loves us. When we are struggling to the see the purpose in everyday, when we find it hard to understand our place or our value, there is always someone in the world who finds us valuable. I'd say that my husband, Hank, has been one of the major reasons I've grown to really find my path to accepting myself. When I think about how he sees me, or even really try to see what he sees, I see someone beautiful, caring, and kind. On days when I feel downtrodden or depressed, I now know that it's just a passing mood, and I can remind myself that other people do NOT see me in this way. Take a step back and try and view yourself through the eyes of loving people in your life. The same examples I used above work great here: your pet, best friend, parent or partner. Gain perspective by stepping out of yourself, and more often than not you will be enlightened with how amazing people really think you are.

5) Focus on the positive. So many times I hear people compare themselves to others, "She is just so good at this or that, I could never do that." No? Well guess what- you're absolutely good at something else. Often we get so hung up on what we can't do, that we lose sight of what we can do. Perhaps you have a blog friend that is just amazing at crafts. She can sew, crochet, paint, you name it! You admire her work often, but sometimes you start to experience negative thoughts creeping up, telling you that you're not as good as her, you can't do the things she does. During times like this, stop the negative self talk immediately and remind yourself of all the things you are good at! Maybe you write well, you're a great guitar player, you bake with the best of them, or you can run 10 miles without getting winded. Perhaps you can sew or draw, you can find bargains like no one's business, or you are simply a friend to all. We all have strengths, we all have weaknesses. You can work on your weaknesses, but always remember your strengths...and focus on the positive rather than obsessing over what you lack.

I have more things of this nature that I will continue to share as time goes on, but I wanted to share these five with you today. It's my hope that we as women can learn to LOVE ourselves, and begin to love each other more. Remember, we're all on this same journey. Showing love and compassion can be pivotal on someone else's path, and also your own. We all hurt, we're all growing, we're all learning. It's a beautiful thing to realize how universal our experiences really are. So with that, I hope all of you have a fantastic day! I LOVE YOU!

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